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Sense and Sensitivity: Mom may be addicted to plastic surgery – Eureka Times-Standard

Sense and Sensitivity: Mom may be addicted to plastic surgery – Eureka Times-Standard


Dear Harriette: My mother wont stop getting plastic surgery. Shes 52 years old, and shes done body sculpting, liposuction, lip fillers and Botox, and now shes trying to schedule a complete facelift. She is starting to look unrecognizable and incredibly plastic. I beg her to stop and try to reassure her that shes still beautiful and doesnt need to keep going under the knife, but she wont listen to me. Ive been doing research lately, and Im reading that she could potentially be addicted to surgery. How do I get her to stop destroying her face? I dont think she can see how its only going to get worse. Plastic Mom

Dear Plastic Mom: Sadly, there are many people, women in particular, who begin the process of using surgical and other techniques to improve their appearance and who fall under the spell of the changes. As you have seen, theres plenty of research on the subject.

Alone, you may not be able to do much to get your mother to consider stopping her body alterations. You can recommend therapy. Perhaps you can suggest that your mother go to therapy with you to work on some issues that are bothering you. If she agrees to that, go for it. Explain that you are worried about your mothers health and mental well-being, and it is affecting your own health. With the therapist as a professional support, lay it on the table. Express your concerns, and attempt to get your mother to talk about it.

Dear Harriette: After wearing my hair in protective styles for 15 years, Ive recently decided to let my hair go natural. Ive had everything from braids to wigs and have always kept my styles long. My natural hair is a short 4C afro.

Ive had my natural hair for a few weeks, and I immediately started to notice that people were treating me differently than they used to. Men dont really approach me anymore, and my co-workers make comments about missing my long hair. I hate that Im now feeling self-conscious about this. As excited as I was to go natural, Im feeling like maybe I would be more comfortable keeping my hair in protective styles until it gets a bit longer or bigger. Am I jumping ship too soon? Should I wait until it grows on me? Naturale

Dear Naturale: Welcome to the world of unconscious bias. Our culture tells us that certain textures and styles of hair are preferred. Natural, tightly curled hair is not on that list even for many people who have that hair. The good news is that there has been a movement afoot and gaining steam for decades that encourages the love of hair in all of its textures. The CROWN Act in California, and similar measures in New York and New Jersey, even exist to protect women with natural hair from being discriminated against at work.

Personally, you need to grow to love your hair in its natural state and learn new styles to wear. Over time, the more you embrace your hair, the more others may get used to seeing you that way. You will have to train them to see the beauty in your new look. You do that by wearing your hair with confidence and power.

Dear Harriette: I have two teenagers and a husband, and often I feel like Im the only one contributing to the upkeep of our household. My kids work hard at their studies, but when they arent doing schoolwork, they are playing video games or sleeping. My husband is working only part-time now due to COVID-19, so he has a lot of time on his hands that he mostly uses for watching TV or sleeping. My job has ramped up, and Im usually on Zoom calls until 7 or 8 p.m. I dont think its fair for me to have to cook dinner after I end my calls if they have been chilling for hours. Same goes for cleaning up, doing laundry, etc. Sometimes I get so mad because I need a break, too. I know that the lions share of work in a household often falls on the mom, but its not fair. And right now, its overwhelming. I need a break. How can I get my family to step up? Help Me

Dear Help Me: Call a family meeting, and point out your frustration and your need for everyone to participate in the work of the home. Take them through what happened in the previous week, each day. Point out what each family member did or didnt do all day. Note how you were left caring for everyones needs while they did not pitch in.

Create a schedule for the family, and post it on your refrigerator. Put initials beside each duty, and invite everyone to help. If they dont, stop doing everything for them. See how they react when there is no meal, no clean clothes, no maintenance.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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Sense and Sensitivity: Mom may be addicted to plastic surgery - Eureka Times-Standard

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